Atrophy: wasting away, wasting time.

If you've been following the saga of my little handmade jewelry shop, Shae Eclectique, you know I've fallen far behind in the last several months, and that things have become more of a struggle to complete. Every task takes longer. It's as if time just goes away…poof! And I drop things much more. Several fingers have lost grip. But I didn't think it would keep me behind so long, or continue to be such a challenge. I expected to catch back up by now, and that things would be more or less as they once were. This is not the case. I remain caught in this strange time zone where things are in a bit of chaos.

But this is not all. Several of my medical issues have worsened significantly and sharply. It is a bit alarming. Okay, a lot alarming. Pain levels are very high. My cervical and lumbosacral spine are degenerating rapidly.

* You might want to read The Great Disc Explosion now; it explains a bit of the background that clarifies this a bit.

Among the alarming array of symptoms this has brought, I have atrophy in my dominant hand. This is a tremendous shock to me. I use my hands so much. I mean, I know I have been having extra difficulty with clumsiness and grip, numbness, all that…but when my doc showed me the atrophy yesterday, I had a hard time wrapping my mind around it. I still haven't wrapped my mind around it. It frightens me. It makes me wonder what else has atrophied? Or will soon? I am worried about losing even more function in an already limited world. Very, very limited. The tip of the iceberg of worries.

Meanwhile, I am adapting to re-engaging in my swim therapy (see the Oasis tagged posts). This takes a distinct amount of time and energy each day, which means something else has to give to make room for it. And this therapy is my lifeline, my top health priority. Without it, it am doomed. So this is an adjustment to factor into everything, with respect to catching up and staying there.

I am slated for a metabolic panel, full spine MRI with and without contrast (update since last series), and quadrilateral EMG nerve study. So within a month, I should know more, for better or worse.

I did discover, via my VA exam X-ray (for my disability upgrade) that I do have a partial extra cervical rib contributing to myThoracic Outlet Syndrome. You can see in the image how one side is extended much farther than the other (transverse process). This is not a true extra cervical rib, but rather like a half of one. I just have to be different, even in the world of medical zebras. Go figure. At least I learned this, which is helpful to know.

Time and some creative thinking will tell how things progress with the jewelry making. I am not giving it up. But I think it isn't realistic to expect I can get back to the production speed I used to be able to keep. This is what it is…another adjustment. Another new normal.

Until the next time my mind needs to bend around a new state of things.

Read more about Shae Eclectique here. Continue on for photos of a few recent designs.

A few recent designs..